If We Were On a Gmeet Chatbox – Life Musing #6

If we were on a gmeet chatbox I’d tell you I did not expect that I’d end up opening this document today. I’d tell you am not sure whether writing will happen today but am smiling finding myself opening this and trying to write.

I’d ask you how have you been? This world seems such a fucked up place I misspelt ‘world’ and put an ‘I’ instead of an ‘O’ and am grateful for autocorrect to instantly correct it. 😂

The other day I was wondering that something about this world feels different. Something something very strange. Even if we ignore me fucking up bad and my personal world changing in ways am still grasping (have a companion I’ve lovely people because it’s comforting knowing you not alone fucking up 😆) it all still feels different. Everything seems to take an extreme turn these days, doesn’t it?

I feel like we’re all living in a collective nightmare of sorts. I didn’t know but I can’t help but think about how much trauma violence and things I can’t imagine from here people would be going through with the entire world supporting a genocide. It’s all very strange yet contrasting because am also seeing remnants of what use to be twitter amidst all this. People countering misinformation as soon as they can with a quickness which makes me smile. Those who are speaking out since their teens and are much older than me right now are also noticing a shift. So its lovely to see.

I’d tell you for the first time I had begun to question how I related to Taylor’s music. 1989 Taylors version came out on 27th and after being so fucking stoked for it since so long; I wasn’t sure I would press play on it. I’d tell you the same friend with whom I listened to ‘speak now’ and I listened to the entire album. And it was it was some of the loveliest time I had had in days did not know I needed those reminders her presence gave me. But am grateful I pressed play on the album.

GOD IT WAS SO FUCKING AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WE THOUGHT WE’LL LISTEN TO THE ENTIRE ALBUM SMOOTHLY EXCEPT THE 13TH TRACK BUT BOY HOW WRONG WERE WE!

WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL WERE THOSE VAULT TRACKS, TAYLOR? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WERE YOU UP TO WHILE WRITING THEM?

SERIOUSLY I HEARD ALMOST THE ENTIRE ALBUM BUT THEM SMOOTHLY. I still don’t know how I feel about the last one. The 2nd last one made me look back at all the bonds I did not know I needed. Did not expect I’ll ever have around me. The 3rd last one well; “what do you say to your friends when you fuck up badly?” ‘say don’t go’ again; made me look back at all these people I somehow now have around me… and I don’t know much about the first vault track.

Well, 1989 was the album I did not find myself going back to ever. more cuz we had lost her earlier albums soon after I began to listen to it and I did not know it would become the album reminding me of how much I now relate to her songs. That writing right when I’d need it the most. Queen really knows, doesn’t she? I heard the 14th and 15th track of the album twice before I found myself writing.

I’d tell you finally my laptop’s keyboard got fixed!!!!!!!!!!! But then I now have gotten use to this desktop one so am still writing this post via that only lol. But it was soooooooo strange to see the full keyboard! And oh it got fixed on 27th only. It was one of the most comforting days I had in a long-long time so I kinda get it 🙂

I’d ask you did I tell you that I am trying to get back into reading with the help of my friends and that “Mrs. Dalloway” lives in my head? I’ve become rather possessive about this book which is also so strange.

I’d tell you we got an assignment for this book. The kind of assignment my 17-year-old would’ve loved and fancied she’d get at college (poor girl fancied so much part of me wants to stop her but I can’t so ok) and wow fucking wow doing that assignment was an entire process. Thanks to the way this book is so intertwined with my own life (no I did not know this is something which happens) it was exhausting writing that one. Yet it was the only one I wrote entirely by myself. And yes I kinda want to delete this last line I wrote because it feels so unreal strange surreal…. Oh wait unreal and surreal are the same things, aren’t they?  😂

My friend had to literally first make me articulate the entire book (so there was me opening up in a way I never opened up to no one amidst a contrast) and then its then we started working on the actual thingy. I don’t know about that assignment but am surely going to cherish the process. Though hard, it was also comforting. Did not know I’ll have such lovely people around.

I’d tell you Ed Sheeran is coming to Mumbai in March 2024 but the tickets are hella costly. Also its a standing concert. And no elevator access. And I did not even feel like knowing about the things they’d offer to disabled buyers because the concert is in another city and the tickets are toooo costly. So I’ll fancy attending it watching its clips. Maybe next time 🙂

I’d tell you FINALLY! FINALLY, THE ERAS TOUR MOVIE IS GONNA COME TO US ON 3RD NOVEMBER. OH I WAS SO HAPPY TO FIND WE’RE NOT THE ONLY COUNTRY WHICH IS GETTING IT LATE THANKS TO TWITTER!

Tickets however are not on sale yet. And I don’t know whether I’ll go or not. We’ll see I guess.

I’d tell you it is so strange to find myself writing this much.

It is comforting too. I’m happy knowing me writing here is still one of the constants I can try to hold on to in the midst of this ever changing world of mine.

I’d tell you am not at the best place emotionally but I’m grateful that I have lovely people around. I’m aware am very privileged and I hope everyone else has something which makes them smile too. 

I’d ask you all to take care of yourselves. And try to do what helps you smile. And like me being around people who care love and respect you make you feel safer and makes you smile go ahead and do it.

All my bonds have been built virtually. Gmeets are our homes and sometimes I’ve to remind myself they’re here but its lovely. 🙂

I’d also tell you we now have new rolling marshmallow cane tips in India. So I gave it a try. I don’t go out much but it was strange using it. I keep rolling it around whenever I go lol. You shouldn’t rely on my user feedback of the cane because am pretty meh using my white cane. The way i use it. maybe someday we’ll talk about my relationship with it. But it was nice the new kind of a feedback. i kinda prefer it over that pencil tip. don’t know why that pencil tip exists but ok.

If we were on a Gmeet chatbox what would you tell me?

Until next time,

Khushi x